i've been thinking about writing this post for the last two months and i seem to keep saving drafts and never actually publishing anything... i would like to chalk it up to being busy but its probably closer to the truth to say that i just don't feel like i've had that much to write about. despite the soaring temperatures and sauna-like humidity i really have enjoyed DC but it hasnt been an "oh my god i must document this right this second" kind of summer. it's been quiter than that somehow, which is ironic considering i've never lived in a city this large before. i love DC, it's humblingly historical, extremely beautiful, and a twenty-somethings paradise, but its also not entirely me.
working in the senate has been an experience i will never forget and one that has forever changed the way that i look at government and citizenship. never in my life have i felt so connected to the world around me or so engaged in system i live in. on the other hand, i've also never felt so lonely or so disheartened by the stagnancy of our government. i am living in the city that is the epicenter of change in the world and yet frustratingly little change is actually accomplished. i realize now that i was idealistic in coming here - i guess i thought that i would intern for the senate and see the most amazing productivity around me - but it isnt so. it's not that nothing gets done, because important decisions are made every minute, but its the attitude with which the people here approach their positions. the inefficiency and gridlock of the system is accepted rather than challenged and partisanship runs so deep that the two halves of DC seem not to speak to one another. my idealism may be simple naivete that i will grow out of but i am also attached to it. i'm not quite ready to be jaded; i am too young to accept the world for what it is if what it is isnt working. and so, as hard as it is to leave my best friends and a place that i've grown comfortable in, i am preparing to pack my life up yet again and trek back to the west coast. i need mountains, and oceans, and family, and cool breezes, and yes, i need some idealism.
i don't know if what's to come will be better than what is but that's something i'm willing to explore. i might be commitment-phobic, i might have grass-is-greener syndrome, or i might just be homesick but i'm enjoying not having plans. so to the district, thank you for being wonderful to me and for giving me the confidence to move somewhere new on a whim. and to the west coast, i'll be seeing you soon old friend.